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Abuse Discipline in Children

Child Abuse Vs Training

I am blessed with two beautiful girls and every parent will attest to the challenges of disciplining the children especially at each age group as they grow. And one wonders what is age-appropriate discipline? when is the line crossed? when is it abuse and no longer discipline? just as I keep emphasizing,10 years from now I will know if the method of discipline we are using worked or not by the way the children turns out .unfortunately at that time you can’t reverse the moments or be able to amend IF par adventure it turned out so badly for the child and for the family. These thoughts have made me carefully think through what kind of discipline is appropriate and when to apply them. sincerely I battled not to use the only method I know growing up, A typical African parents uses their Fists, mouth (rain curses and abuse), sticks, throwing objects, extreme punishments like starving the child for several hours, applying hot chili on the body or in private parts, tie the child up as they flog, use a hot iron to leave an unforgettable mark on the body, slaps, kicks, screaming, threatening, etc 😪 Phew. The question is “Do you really know when you are disciplining a child and when it’s pure Abuse ” what does this quote really mean, “spare a rod and spoil the child”?


Points To Ponder Abuse OR Train

– If we beat our children into compliance – and encourage them to never disagree or persuade us to accept a different point of view- THEN, from whom will they learn how to speak up against people in authority who try to abuse them?  Why is it that we hold back from hitting adults who get on our nerves but the patience disappears when young children are our opponents? Is it possible that we only slap our children around because we know they are totally helpless, completely rely on us for their livelihood and we can hit them without any systemic consequence? If it’s true that we only hit our children to TRAIN them, how come we have also normalized beating house helps? Is this DISCIPLINE really about training or is it something we conveniently RESERVE ONLY for people who have nobody to turn to BUT us? This obsession with having children behave perfectly, who came up with this idea? by the way, we should allow children to be and never expect them to act like adults when they are still children .this expectation is taking a huge tore both on parents wonder we see lots of inappropriate things like makeups, bone straight extensions, eyelashes, heels, bleaching creams on children. Is it possible that it’s driving us to hold our babies to a higher standard than we hold the adults INCLUDING our own selves? What does our impatience with children tell us about our own selves and our struggle with SELF CONTROL?

Now that we’ve beaten the crap out of our children, do we receive a guarantee that they are now transformed and MOVING FORWARD, they have become perfect and won’t make any new mistakes? When we beat and abuse babies for mistakes such as breaking plates, do we also beat ourselves for making those exact same mistakes? Are we replacing guidance with a beating/ abuse? Who fills the vacuum the lack of careful and long-term guidance creates?  How do we justify all the bad-tempered adults roaming our streets? Are those the people who didn’t find anyone to love them enough to beat and abuse them? Is the purpose of hitting children is for correction, to help them, or to force instant obedience and compliance so they can give comfort to the parent who is in CHARGE of them? Who does that help? Them or Us?  If many parents are hitting their children to ‘correct’, then whose responsibility is it to TRAIN those children on how to efficiently use their words to communicate and even to sincerely apologize when they should, because they truly understand they did something wrong, not because they were forced to do so? Is the culture of beating INSTEAD OF gradually explaining and repeating things to children responsible for so many ill-tempered adults who during simple provocations VERY RARELY stand to discuss issues in a civilized manner with an opponent where one person waits for the other to stop speaking before she/he takes a turn. Are there any options to direct and guide children which do not include shredding their relationship with their parents or screwing up their self-esteem?  In our increasingly smaller world  While we’re busy slapping our children around, how do we expect them to fare in competition with children whose parents routinely create time to read to them, listen to them and feverishly debate them on a wide range of relevant topics? When we equate BEATING with ‘correction in love’, Is it possible that we have also planted a seed in the mind of the child that DOMESTIC VIOLENCE comes from a place of love? Are parents grooming their own children for abuse? Can FEAR be a sufficient tool for teaching how to SKILLFULLY resolve conflicts? Using violence to teach a child not to be violent,  Does that seem logical? When you suddenly open your arms and reach out to touch your child, does he/she open her hands to accept an expected hug, OR does the child flinch in fear that you might hit her/him? Now you see the kind of recircling and the generation we are breeding? 

 Differences In Child Abuse And Child Discipline

There is a big difference between child discipline and child abuse. Child discipline is a form of teaching children right from wrong, and it involves setting boundaries and limits for children. Child abuse, on the other hand, is when a caregiver harms or neglects a child. Child abuse can cause physical, emotional, or sexual harm to a child. It is important to be able to distinguish between child discipline and child abuse in order to protect children from being abused. start having those dialogues and teachings, I have asked when as a parent going to stop talking 😀 and it seems there’s no ending in sight, meaning parenting is a repeated task until ….so normalize having some serious and friendly chats with the children. I figured a very firm parenting since my girls came of age of knowing what is good and evil. I have educated them on the consequences, choices, decisions “whatever you do be it good or bad, you shall bear the consequences ALONE, so think before you do and make right choices”. “spare the rod spoil the child” is been used commonly to support the practice of physical discipline towards children, it Actually means “Guide your children in the way they should go”. As an African blood sjambok is always at a corner, I am unlearning and adopting the most effective way of upbringing as to not bring up timid and fearful children.

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4 thoughts on “Abuse Discipline in Children”

  1. Yes it is..I cannot speak for anyone else. However my mom being a teacher was very strict…however when it comes to the rod, she knew when to put it to use and when to converse. I never actually even remember beating up a child or being violent. I am scared of violence 🤣🤣🤣..I believe the most important is to never use the Rod in anger…that’s the crucial difference…because if you do that, the children can become adults who think that you need to become violent when angered…

      1. Totally!
        I also recently discovered that girls use their fathers as yardstick to “boyfriends / husbands” so fathers especially if not careful messes up their girls psychologically, they won’t be able to distinguish properly when these boys /men are abusing them in the name of love .. cos of their experience with their fathers as in ,that’s what they know about love and how it should be with “men” .. truly if one is not careful you end up setting the children especially girl child to be vulnerable, and prone to be abused .it is a big job with parenting indeed

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